Sunday, December 13, 2009

I really need to start updating more often. Blogger used to help my stress level because I expressed my thoughts and feelings on here.

Quick update before I start writing and shit : The semester is over. Thank God. I've started working fulltime at ONE job so I dropped the other two I had over the summer. Adrian and I lost touch after we had a fullblown argument around August. He went and found himself a girl. We still talk every now and then but it's definitely not the same. I hate my apartment, Fran and I don't get along like we used to anymore. I'm ready to move out of this one. August needs to hurry up! Ernest and I did break up around June/July-ish.

It was kinda shitty on my part. I think I was just sick of the bullshit he was putting me through, I had nothing left to say to him. After he fucked up that one last time, I couldn't do it anymore. I gave him no reason, I just ended it. It's possibility the worst pain I've ever put someone through, but I just had nothing left.

I'm still doing just me, meaning I'm single. I've had ONE guy in my life since Ernest. It's long distance and right now, we're doing the friends thing. The friend zone bullshit. I care for him and there are still feelings present but our relationship has been so rocky, it's ridiculous. With him though, I have that sense of security. He doesn't want to hurt me. He's real. I absolutely adore him. Most of the time, he doesn't even realize it. He brings out the best and worse in me. We'll get our shit together. Right now, all I want for him is to get better. He's been in the hospital for weeks because of kidney problems. He waited until after finals to tell me the kidney he's got left is failing. It was so I wouldn't worry. His intentions were great, but come on now. I worry like a motherfucker anyway. He's always being bothered and he's always not feeling good. It breaks my heart to see the only person I care about going through this. The worst part? I can't be there with him.

I promise I'll get on more often.

I'm still on Tumblr though.

Ju-ju Bean.


A.R. said...

i hope he gets better love,