A Twitter Story

Found this at www.pausepolice.com ; lmfao. Its hilarious.

By: Darnell Taylor

The Twitter epidemic has reached an all new high, even Oprah has jumped on the bandwagon. Recently, Diddy made an appearance on Larry King Live to discuss Twitter. He even went so far as to say that Twitter “calls” him when asked if it was addicting. Apparently, he said he has a “Twitter DNA” which is inspiration. Whatever happened to Diddy’s “I’m hungry, go walk to Brooklyn and get me some cheesecake” DNA? Is he really positive or has twitter taking taken over our favorite Ciroc Star?

The room is dark, the moans of two people having sex can be heard. Suddenly the moans stop. Then the lights are turned on. The two individuals are Diddy and Kim Porter.

Kim Porter
Are you serious? Are you really texting during sex?

Diddy
I’m not texting, I’m spreading positivity through twitter.

Kim Porter
Can you spread positivity when I ‘m not spreading my legs.

Kim Porter snatches the phone from Diddy and reads the screen. It reads:
iamdiddy: Just started love making, I’M LOCKED IN. LET”S GO!!!

Diddy
Twit that, twit that.

Kim Porter
What is wrong with you? Get off of me.

Kim Porter rolls out from under Diddy and walks out the room.

Diddy
Fine, I don’t need you.

Diddy picks up his blackberry and begins to twit again: @cassieventura where are you ? I’M IN THE ZONE!!!!

Diddy walks into Cassie’s studio session, Cassie’s side is towards the door. Diddy walks towards Cassie to hug and greet her, he’s startled as she turns his direction and he sees her half shaved hair do.

Diddy
Oh, shit what happened?

Cassie
What? My hair? You don’t like it?

Diddy then pulls out his blackberry and begins twittering. Everyone lets pray for @casssieventura this bitch is crazy. She needs as much prayers as she can get lets support and pray for her people. LETS GO!!

Cassie checks her twitter.

Cassie
Why would you twit that ?

Diddy continues twitting. @cassieventura maybe you should get a weave? What you think people? should @cassieventura get a weave?

Cassie
Why are you twitting, I’m standing directly next to you?

Diddy continues twitting. RT@cheridennis yeah @cassieventura needs to weave it up. The half caesar is not a good look.

Cassie checks her twitter

Cassie
Tell her to put an album out first.

Diddy continues twitting. @cassieventura, @cheridennis put out an album Feb. 08.

Cassie
Well, tell her go somewhere then.

Diddy continues twitting. My twitter family is going crazy right now, lets keep the POSITIVITY GOING. RT @dawnrichard tell @cassieventura just shave the whole thing. Half and half isn’t cool. Her head looks bisexual.

Cassie
Tell Dawn, her boyfriend is bisexual. Go get him some cleanex.

Diddy continues twitting. @que_Day26 @robert_Day26 willie_Day26 @mike_Day26@brian_Day26. NO BITCHASSNESS!!!! especially @que_Day26.

Diddy receives a twit. @que_Day26@iamdiddy tear

Cassie
If he can cry on twitter I can wear my hair however I want.

Diddy continues twitting. @cassieventura no you can’t.

Cassie
Yes I can and can you please twittering while I’m standing here?

Diddy continues twitting. @cassieventura I thought I told you that we won’t stop! I thought I told you that we won’t stop! Twit that Twit that. Who want’s their PTWITTY TV?

Cassie
Are you serious, PTwitty TV ?

Diddy continues twitting. PTWITTY TV GOING LIVE IN 15 MINS!!! LETS GO !!!! @cassieventura you and the bisexual hair have just been dropped. KEEP THE PRAYERS COMING!!!

Cassie
Did you just drop me via Twitter?

Diddy continues twitting. @harvepierre please come get @cassieventura and remove her from the premises.

Harve Pierre walks into the room.

Harve Pierre
Diddy what’s up ?

Diddy continues twitting. @harvepierre get her out of here.

Harve Pierre
What Diddy says goes. Let’s go Cas.

Harve Pierre grabs Cassie by the arm. She’s reluctantly escorted out.

Diddy continues twitting. @cassieventura ITS BAD BOY BITCH. I”M LOCKED IN !!!

While downstairs after escorting Cassie out, Harve Pierre makes a phone call to Kim Porter.

Harve Pierre
Kim

Kim Porter
Hey, what’s up ?

Harve Pierre
Diddy is bugging out.

Kim Porter
Twitter ?

Harve Pierre
How’d you know?

Kim Porter
He barely talks now, all he does is tweet or twit, whatever you call it.

Harve Pierre
I think it’s time to call the pastor in.

About three hours have passed, Harve Pierre and Kim Porter enter the studio, which Diddy is in. He just finished an episode of PTwitty TV.

Harve Pierre
Diddy, we need to talk to you.

Diddy begins to twitter. @harvepierre what’s up? I’M LOCKED IN!!!!

Kim Porter
Bring him in.

Pastor Mase enters the studio and for some reason he is wearing the shiny suit from the “Mo Money Mo Problems” video. He walks up to Diddy and places his hand on Diddy’s forehead and begins to preach in his trademark slow sounding voice.

Pastor Mase
Dear Lord, Please deliver this man from the demons of technology, set him free. We all know the more tweets we come over….the more problems we see.

Diddy doesn’t even notice what is happening and begins to twitter. @diddysbabymoms and @harvepierre have brought @pastormase back to Bad Boy. LETS GO !!!

Pastor Mase
Please Lord don’t let the devil push Mr.Combs, he’s close to the edge.

Diddy continues twittering. I know @harvepierre stole my wave grease, how else could his lips be so shiny? Why is @pastormase touching my head? I NEED ENERGY PEOPLE!!!

Pastor Mase’s cell phone rings.

Jim Jones (via cell phone)
Is that you BETHA? IS THAT YOU BETHA?

Pastor Mase hangs up the phone.

Pastor Mase
It was good seeing everybody, but its time to go. The Lord is calling.

Pastor Mase leaves the studio, extremely fast, in fear.

Kim Porter
Told you Harve, we should have called Run instead.

Diddy receives a twit. @Pausepolice PAUSE!!!! a warrant has been issued for @iamdiddy DEAD OR ALIVE. Referring to one mans lips and your head in the same tweet is punishable by the death penalty.

Diddy finally begins to speak again.

Diddy
Who the fuck are the Pause Police? And why do they think they can Pause me? You can’t pause me. I can’t stop, I won’t stop.

Harve Pierre
A pause is when you say something that can be viewed as homosexual.

Diddy
But Diddy isn’t homosexual. Kim is Diddy homosexual?

Kim Porter
Not many straight men speak in third person.

Diddy
Diddy is not homo.

Harve Pierre
Do you like fish dicks in your mouth?

Diddy
No, I don’t like fish dicks in my mouth, I’m not a gay fish.

Harve Pierre
You saw that shit too? That shit was hilarious.

Diddy
I got something for the Pause Police. I’m going to fix their ass.

Kim Porter & Harve Pierre
PAUSE!!!!

Diddy
Both of you get the fuck out.
Next Day Diddy is on Larry King Live.

Larry King
So how did you come up with the idea, for the Positivity Police?

Diddy
Well there’s a lot of negativity going on in the twitter and we need some kind of Police. So I’d figured I’d be the first.

Larry King
Thanks for coming to the show and spreading positivity.

Show ends and Diddy checks his twitter via blackberry.Diddy receives a twit.

@Pausepolice @iamdiddy your a thief. You and your @positivitypolice . I’m going to get Shyne to fuck your ass up.

Diddy sends a Direct Message to the @Pausepolice. It reads one word

“PAUSE”

THE END